Well usually I blog about makeup, fashion, beauty, and nails, but today (at least right now) I'm not going. I have a lot of my mind and can't seem to get everything in perspective. I have some things going on in my life that involve me embarking on new endeavors, however there are factors that are both in my control and out of my control that are hindering me from them. I work hard; at work, in my relationship, and pretty much anything else I do. It really sucks when things don't pan out, even when you put some much time and energy into it and you still don't know what you're doing wrong. Its something I want sooooo bad and I just can't seem to succeed with this one part of it that pretty much makes or breaks the whole deal. I'm so busy with everything that I'm doing right now, I wish I just balance everything perfectly...even though I know there's no such thing as perfect.
When I think about this new endeavor, I'm excited and full with anticipation and energy. On the other, I also have that little voice in the back of my mind that says "what if it doesn't go well?" "what if you fail?" "what if you don't even get to do it?" ...sucks, I know right! I'd rather at least get there and try, versus not making it there at all. I haven't wanted something this much in a really really really long time, and this is honestly the one of the first times I've had trouble obtaining something I wanted. Not that I'm being a brat, but like I said, I work hard for the things I have and I work equally as hard to keep them.
For almost three months I've been trying to get everything together to reach this goal, and its only one thing holding me back! I've tried twice already to accomplish this one thing and both times I fell short by just a few points. I have one more chance (for this year), coming up in March and I have to do my absolute best. However, it's so hard staying motivated with so much pressure, in addition to the regular life stresses that I experience everyday. I'm strong in my belief in God and that he will bless me, that's what gets me through the day. No amount of dedication and hard work can compare to His power. It's important for me to pray and talk to Him everyday and continue to ask for strength. There is no other place to get it from. I know that I can't get over this obstacle and achieve my goal without His help and blessings. It's a matter of staying strong in my convictions and steadfast through and barriers that get in my way. I know I have great potential and that I CAN beat this one thing. I don't just want to beat it, I want to pulverize it...lol (a little bit of edge there...sorry).
Its time to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop beating up on myself, and to get REAL! I need to get real about what I really want and set my sights on it. I know that with pray and trust in God, that I will make it. I just need to continue to believe in myself, and not doubt myself or the power of God.